HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL

JUST WANTED TO WISH EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR. MAY YOU GET ALL YOU WANT THIS YEAR. I LOVE YOU ALL

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT AND WISH EVERYBODY A VERY VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR. I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE YOUR HUSBAND SHOPPING WITH YOU

On my day off, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips toWal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring andPreferred to get in and get out.Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved toBrowse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from theLocal Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Stephenson,Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite aCommotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have beenForced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Udren are listed below and are documented by our video surveillanceCameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people'sCarts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to thewomen's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialVoice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M'sOn layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told otherShoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blanketsFrom the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he beganCrying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it asA mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, heAsked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudlyHumming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'MadonnaLook by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedThrough, yelled 'Pick Me! Pick Me!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, heAssumed a fetal position and screamed 'Oh No! It's Those VoicesAgain!
'And last, but not least.
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedAwhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper inHere!'

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

(Use Rest Room Before Reading )
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5.Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler to mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow pill down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air

A NEW CHRISTMAS POEM

A FRIEND OF MINE SENT ME THIS AND I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE I HOPE IT HITS YOUR HEART LIKE IT DID MINE
New Christmas Poem TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE, IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE. I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE, AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE. I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE, NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE. NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND, ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS. WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS, A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND. FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY, I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY. THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE, CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME. THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER, NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER. WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ? CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED? I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT, OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT. SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY, AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY. THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR, BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE. I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE, ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME. THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY. THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE, 'SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE; I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE, MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY! COUNTRY, MY CORPS.' THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP, I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP. I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT, THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT. THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE, WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.' ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. 'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,! AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MAYER WIENER

THE OTHER DAY I WAS DRIVING BY ALBERTSONS AND WHAT DO I SEE IN THE PARKING LOT? THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER MOBILE. IT WAS REALLY COOL. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER SEEN IT IN MY LIFE. HERE ARE A COUPLE OF PICS. I HOPE YOU ENJOY. OH AND I GOT A WEINER WHISTLE TOO.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
mistake. The average person over 30 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat..

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down

I BELIEVE

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

it doesn't mean they do love each other.



I Believe...

That we don't have to change friends if

we understand that friends change.



I Believe...

That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt

you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.



I Believe...

That true friendship continues to grow, even over

the longest distance. Same goes for true love.



I Believe....

That you can do something in an instant

that will give you heartache for life.



I Believe...

That it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.



I Believe...

That you should always leave loved ones with

loving words. It may be the last time you see them.



I Believe...

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.



I Believe...

That we are responsible for what

we do, no matter how we feel.



I Believe...

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.



I Believe...

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.



I Believe...

That money is a lousy way of keeping score.



I Believe...

That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.



I Believe...

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you

when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.



I Believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.



I Believe...

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had

and what you've learned from them and less to do

with how many birthdays you've celebrated.



I Believe...

That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.

sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.



I Believe...

That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.



I Believe...

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but, we are responsible for who we become.



I Believe...

That you shouldn't be so eager to find

out a secret. It could change your life Forever.



I Believe...

Two people can look at the exact same

thing and see something totally different.



I Believe...

That your life can be changed in a matter of

hours by people who don't even know you.



I Believe...

That even when you think you have no more to give, when

a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.



I Believe...

That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.



I Believe...

That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I MISS YOU

21 YRS AGO TODAY MY DEAR KELLY WAS TAKEN FROM ME. I SPENT THE DAY WITH MY PARENTS AND HAD DINNER WITH THEM. WHEN I GOT HOME TONIGHT I CHECKED MY EMAIL AND FOUND THIS PICTURE OF EMERALD BAY IN TAHOE WAS EMAILED TO ME TODAY. I FOUND IT KIND OF STRANGE THAT THIS WAS SENT TO ME TODAY OF ALL DAYS. THIS WAS KELLYS FAVORITE PLACE TO GO IN TAHOE. HE FOUND IT VERY PEACEFUL AND SCERENE. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL. THIS IS WHERE HE WANTED HIS ASHES SPREAD. SO WHEN THIS PICTURE WAS EMAILED TO ME I HONESTLY BELIEVE HE WAS LETTING ME KNOW HE WAS STILL THERE AND WATCHING OVER ME. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH KELLY AND AM GLAD TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE. ALL MY LOVE ROB

THE LAST CAT

EVEN MORE CATS

MORE CATS

IMAGINE PAYING $60,000 A YEAR TO HAVE YOUR CAT PAINTED

ONLY IN AMERICA

The book these came from said some of the paint jobs cost $15,000 and had to be repeated every 3 months as the cat's hair grows out. A cool $60,000 a year just to keep your cat painted!

JOKE OF THE DAY

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (no dummy she), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd
think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

I AM BACK

SORRY FOR THE LONG PAUSE IN MY POSTING I HAVE NOT BEEN HERE MUCH AND HAVE NOT HAD A LOT TO SAY. BUT I AM BACK HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL SOON.

THE LIGHTS OF EARTH

I GOT THIESE PICTURES IN AN EMAIL AND WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH EVERYONE

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.


He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way as we said our goodbye.


But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.


Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.


When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.


He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.


While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,


'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.


Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.


Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.


He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.


By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.


I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.


'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the big tall tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'


I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'


He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.


I'll always love you anyway.'


I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'


FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that
we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days,
but the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of thier lives.


And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into our work than our own family, an unwise investment indeed,

don't you think?


So what is behind the real story?


Do you REALLY know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

OH HAPPY DAY

TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS TO REMEMBER. A VERY HAPPY DAY IN MY LIFE. I WENT TO COURT THIS MORNING FOR MY NAME CHANGE. I AM NOW OFFICIALY A RIEDEL AND THAT IS SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE WANTED FOR A LONG TIME. I LOVE MY DAD VERY MUCH. MY DAD HAS ALWAYS BEEN A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE. HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME EVEN WHEN THINGS WERE NOT GOING SO WELL FOR ME. HE IS ONE OF MY FISHING BUDDIES, WE HAVE BUILT THINGS TOGETHER AND HAD ALOT OF FUN DOING IT. HE HAS TAUGHT ME ALOT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON FOR IT. I LOVE YOU DAD AND I AM VERY PROUD TO BE ABLE TO SAY MY NAME IS ROBERT DEAN RIEDEL.

THE FISHING GODS SMILE ON US AGAIN

YESTERDAY WHEN MOM AND I WENT FISHING IT STARTED OUT REALLY SLOW BUT ONCE AGAIN THE FISHING GODS SMILED ON US AND THINGS TURNED OUR WAY. THE COUNT FOR GOLDEN FOR ME THIS YEAR IS NOW 32. YEE HAW WHAT A DAY. HERE IS A PIC OF MY CATCH FOR THE DAY.

A DAY TO REMEMBER

YESTERDAY MOM AND I GOT TO DO SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE NOT GOT TO DO IN A VERY LONG TIME. WE SPENT THE DAY TOGETHER DOING SOMETHING THAT WE BOTH ENJOY DOING VERY MUCH. WE SPENT THE DAY FISHING JUST THE 2 OF US. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY. WE HAD A BLAST AND WE CAUGHT A BUNCH OF FISH. I LOVE MY MOM VERY MUCH AND AM VERY THANKFUL FOR THE TIME THAT WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER. YESTERDAY WAS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN FOR ME. MOM DID SOMETHING SHE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR FOR A LONG TIME BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO READ ABOUT IT IN SHARONS CORNER. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH MOM FOR THE BEAUTIFUL DAY. IT DEFFINATLEY IS A DAY TO REMEMBER.

JOKE OF THE DAY

The Back Pew......

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.



After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children
were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.



After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take
as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation.



In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'



The entire congregation said, 'Amen ~ Hallelujah'...

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

JUST WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT AND WISH ALL THE DADS IN MY FAMILY A HAPPY FATHERS DAY. MY DAD JIM MY UNCLE BUTCH MY UNCLE ARLAN MY COUSIN ED MY BROTHERS RICK AND KEVIN AND MY BROTHER IN LAW ROB. HAVE A GREAT DAY GUYS AND TAKE IT EASY.

I WANT TO BUILD SOMETHING DAD

THIS MORNING I SEE AMY LEE PULING A PAIR OF NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS ACROSS THE FLOOR. SHE KNOCKED THEM OFF MY SIDE TABLE AND PROCEED TO TAKE THEM IN THE LIVING ROOM TO HIDE. SHE MUST BE GETTING READY TO BUILD SOMETHING LOL.

A HEART WARMING STORY

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately,due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??

Now, please tell me one more time .........?
Why can't the rest of the world get along??

A POEM FROM MY DAUGHTER

IN APRIL OF 2001 WE HAD A BIG FAMILY GATHERING. IT WAS MY GRANDMA AND MY BIRTHDAY. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MADE THIS A VERY SPECIAL TIME WAS I GOT REUNITED WITH MY DAUGHTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 14 YEARS. IT WAS AMAZING. WHEN SHE WENT BACK HOME SHE WROTE A POEM AND DEDICATED IT TO ME. WHEN I FIRST READ IT I CRIED AND I STILL GET CHOKED UP EVERY TIME I READ IT. HERE IT IS.

ALL THIS TIME
ALL THIS TIME THAT CAME AND WENT
AT LAST I FELT HOW MUCH I MEANT
I KNEW IN MY HEART AND WAS WELL AWARE
NO MATTER WHAT YOUV'E HAD TO CARE
NO ONE FORGETS OF THE FLESH THEY CREATE
YET SOME FAIL TO REALIZE, IT'S NEVER TO LATE

IT'S COMFORT TO KNOW FROM WHOM I RECIEVE
THE DEPTH OF MY HEART AND STRENGTH TO BELIEVE
MY TOUCHING WAY TO WRITE IN RHYME
MY TRUST IN THE HANDS OF PATIENCE AND TIME
UNDERSTANDING EXPRESSION AND THE ABILITY TO FEEL
JUST OUR WAY OF KNOWING ALL WOUNDS WILL HEAL.

MUCH OF OUR SOULS ARE SAME IN EXACT
NOW I'M COMPLEATED I KNOW FOR A FACT
I SAW WHAT WAS MISSING BETWEEN YOU AND I
AND NO LONGER WILL I WONDER WHY
ALL OUR LOSS IS SURE TO REGAIN
FOR MY LIFE AND HEART ARE CONVINCED YOU REMAIN

DEDICATED TO ROBERT DEAN OPENSHAW
BY SENICA A. OPENSHAW
WRITTEN MAY 18TH, 2001

A BEAUTIFUL COUPLE

I GOT A LETTER FROM MY DAUGHTER YESTERDAY AND IN IT WAS A PICTURE OF HER AND HER FIANCE. HIS NAME IS JR. THEY MAKE A BEAUTIFUL COUPLE DON'T YOU AGREE. I AM SO HAPPY FOR BOTH OF THEM. THEY ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED ON THE 31ST OF AUGUST. CONGRADULATIONS TO THE BOTH OF YOU.

JOKE OF THE DAY

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

.

A FIRST FOR MY COUSIN ED

THIS WEEKEND WAS MY COUSIN EDS FIRST VISIT TO OUR FAVORITE FISHING HOLE. AND HE DID GOOD. HE CAUGHT HIS FIRST GOLDEN AND I THINK THAT HE ENJOYED HIMSELF. I WAS SO GLAD THAT HE GOT TO COME AND VISIT. WAY TO GO ED.

WHAT A WAY TO SPEND A BIRTHDAY

SATURDAY WAS MY UNCLE BUTCHS BIRTHDAY AND WHAT A WAY TO SPEND IT. HE GOT TO GO FISHING. I AM SO VERY THANKFUL THAT I GOT TO SPEND SOME TIME ON HIS BIRTHDAY DOING SOMETHING WITH HIM THAT HE ENJOYS.I LOVE YOU UNCLE BUTCH AND AM GLAD THAT YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU ENJOY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

A GOLDEN WEEKEND

THIS WEEKEND WE HAD A VISIT FORM MY AUNT KERRY UNCLE BUTCH COUSIN DEE AND COUSIN ED.ON SATURDAY THE GUYS GOT TOGETHER AND MET OUT AT OSTER LAKES FOR A LITTLE FISHING RELAXATION. IT WAS A LITTLE SLOW OUT THERE THIS WEEKEND BUT WE HAD A LOT OF FUN. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT MY COUSIN ED HAS BEEN THERE AND HGIS FIRST FISH WAS A GOLDEN TROUT. HIP HIP HOORAY FOR YOU ED. MY DAD AND MY UNCLE BUTCH ALSO CAUGHT SOME NICE GOLDENS AS WELL. WAY TO GO GUYS I HAD A BLAST AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT TIME WE GET TO GO OUT THERE.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A LITTLE TIME AND WISH ALL THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN MY LIFE A VERY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.
MOM GRANDMA AUNT KERRY AUNT KAYE MY SIS KATHY AND LAST BUT DEFINATLY NOT LEAST MY COUSIN DEE. YOU ALL HAVE HAD AN IMPACT ON MY LIFE AND I AM A BETTER PERSON FOR IT. I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH AND WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST DAY POSSIBLE.

MORE ON THE DECK

I SPENT SATURDAY YARD SALING AND THRIFT STORING FOR ITEM FOR MY DECK AND FOUND SOME GREAT STUFF. WHAT DO YOU THINK