ANOTHER JOKE OF THE DAY

The Buffalo Theory
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the lowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer elimates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

JOKE OF THE DAY

THE 6 BEST SMART-ASS ANSWERS OF 2007 :

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coa t and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead'.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'



SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is re stored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

WHAT A NICE LOOKING FAMILY

THESE PICTURES WERE TAKEN ON THE DAY OF MY WEDDING TO MY SECOND WIFE.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Three Gifts
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"

"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes."

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was Dee-licious!"

ONE MORE JOKE OF THE DAY

What it "Really" Means
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake?"

ANOTHER JOKE OF THE DAY

Overheard on Dear Abby
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

JOKE OF THE DAY

The Modern Toolbox
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contains a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

ARE YOU MY MOMMY

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THIS OUTSIDE YOU WINDOW. I FOUND THIS PICTURE AND THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY CUTE. I WISH I LIVED IN A PLACE WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

HAVE YOU EVER WORRIED ABOUT SQUIRELS GETTING INTO YOUR BIRD FEEDER? TAKE A LOOK AT THIS





WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ROPE MADE OF

JOKE OF THE DAY

Driving Test
A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

JOKE OF THE DAY

Murphey's Laws Of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer

A BLAST FROM THE PAST

GRANDMA AND I WERE GOING THROUGH SOME OLD PICTURES TONIGHT AND I FOUND THIS. THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN BACK IN 1972. I WAS 12 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME. IT IS A PICTURE OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTER AND I IN DISNEYLAND. HOW CUTE IS THIS.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Bear Chase
Two guys are out in the woods hiking.

All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.

The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, "What are you doing?"

The first guy says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."

The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear"!

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL

JUST WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT AND WISH EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU OUT THERE A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR. TO ALL MY FAMILY IN IDAHO AND IN NEVADA I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH AND WISH YOU ONLY THE BEST THIS NEW YEAR HAS TO OFFER. A BIG KISS FOR EVERYONE AT MIDNIGHT ( FOR THE LADIES ) AND FOR THE MEN A HAND SHAKE LOL.

LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER

WHEN MY DAUGHTER SENICA COMES TO VISIT ONE OF THE THINGS SHE MOST ENJOYS DOING IS GOING FISHING. LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER I GUESS. WE ALLWAYS HAVE A GREAT TIME WHEN SHE IS HERE. I MISS HER SO MUCH.

THE WONDER OF NATURE

MY BOSSES AND I TOOK A TRIP UP IN THE SOUTH HILLS ONE DAY. WE JUST WANTED TO GET AWAY AND SEE THE COUNTRY. WHILE WE WERE UP THERE WE FOUND SOME BEAVER PONDS. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A NATURAL BEAVER POND. IT WAS SO KEWL. I JUST LOVE THE WONDERS OF NATURE.

SHOSHONE FALLS IN EARLY SPRING

SHOSHONE FALSS WAS NOT RUNNING AT FULL STRENGHT LAST SPRING BUT IT WAS RUNNING HEAVY ENOUGH THAT THE MIST WAS FROZEN ON EVERYTHING AROUND IT. IT MADE EVRYTHING LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL. I JUST LOVE THIS PLACE.

A BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS WAS VERY NICE AND VERY RELAXING THIS YEAR. I HOPE THAT EVERYONE HAD A GOOD CHRISTMAS. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. MY MOM MADE ME A BEAUTIFUL BLANKET. I LOVE IT WHEN SHE MAKES ME THINGS. SHE DOES SUCH A GOOD JOB TOO. MY COUSIN DEE MADE ME THIS CUTE LITTLE SOCK MONKEY WHO NOW RESIDES WITH THE REST OF MY FRIENDS AROUND MY COMPUTER. MY AUNT KERRY AND UNCLE BUTCH GAVE ME A REALLY NICE DIGITAL PICTURE FRAME. IT IS SO KEWL. DINNER WENT WELL I LOVED COOKING FOR EVERYONE AND IT MADE MOM FEEL GOOD THAT SHE COULD RELAX AND JUST ENJOY THE DAY.

MORE OF GODS COUNTRY.

ONE OF THE THINGS I GOT TO DO IS GO CAMPING WITH MY BOSSES. WE WENT FOR A WEEKEND FOUR WHEEL TRIP IN THE MOUNTAINS. MAN WHAT A BLAST THIS WAS. IT WAS MY FIRST TIME RIDING A FOUR WHEELER. WE RODE FOR ALMOST 8 HOURS UP IN THE MOUNTAINS. WE FOUND SOME OLD MINING CAMPS. A COUPLE OF LITTLE LAKES.

SHAPE DRESSED MAN

YES THAT IS ZZ TOP. I HAD THE FORTUNATE PLEASURE OF SEEING THEM IN JACKPOT. IT WAS AN AWESOME CONCERT.THESE GUYS ROCK.

BALANCED ROCK

ON ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS VISITS WE WENT AND DID SOME SIGHTSEEING. ONE OF THE PLACES WE WENT TO WAS BALACED ROCK. IT IS REALLY KEWL. IN ALL THE YEARS THAT I HAVE LIVED HERE I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE. I GUESS IT TAKES A VISIT FROM MY DAUGHTER TO GET ME THERE LOL. HERE ARE A COUPLE OF PICTURES.

GODS COUNTRY

AS YOU KNOW ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO IS GO CAMPING. I LOVE THE SERENITY AND PEACEFULNESS WHEN I GET TO DO THIS. ONE OF THE PLACES I GOT TO GO CAMPING WAS AT LAKE CLEVELAND. IT IS A LITTLE ALPINE LAKE WAY UP IN THE MOUNTAINS. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL THERE. I MANAGED TO GET A CAMPGROUNG RIGHT ON THE LAKE. IMAGINE OPENING YOUR TENT IN THE MORNING AND SEE ALL THE BEAUTY OF MOTHER NATURE. MY DOG THAT I HAD AT THE TIME LACI J HAD A BLAST SHE HOPPED AROUNG LIKE A DEER THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE THERE. WE GOT TO TAKE SOME HIKES ON SOME OF THE TRAIL WHILE WE WERE THERE. IT WAS AN GREAT AND RELAXING WEEKEND. HERE ARE SOME PICTURE OF WHAT I GOT TO EXPERINCE WHILE I WAS THERE.

NIAGRA IN THE WEST

HERE IN IDAHO WE HAVE SOME VERY BEAUTIFUL SCENERY. ONE OF OUR TOURIST ATRACTIONS IS SHOSHONE FALLS. WHEN WE HAVE PLENTY OF WATER AND THEY ARE RUNNING FULL THEY ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE WATER FALLS AND HAVE SEEN THE HORSESHOE FALL AT NIAGRA. WHAT AN AWESOME SIGHT. THE FALLS HERE ARE JUST AS AWESOME. I CAN JUST STAND AND WATCH THEM FOR HOURS. I LOVE TO LISTEN TO THE ROAR AS THE WATER GOES OVER. I LOVE THE FELL OF THE MIST ON MY FACE. IT IS VERY RELAXING. I FOUND SOME PICTURES THAT I TOOK THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE AND THEY WERE RUNNING AT FULL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED BEING THERE.

WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MY FAMILY AND I HAD OUR CHRISTMAS LAST NIGHT. IT WAS VERY NICE AND WE HAD A GREAT TIME. I JUST WANTED TO WISH EVERYBODY A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

IF LIFE WERE LIKE A COMPUTER

- You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

- You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

- You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

- You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

- You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

- To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

- If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!